Grace
The day I learned self-forgiveness was the day I gave myself permission.
For years I lived each day blind to the effect my thoughts and inner dialogue were having on me. In 2019, during the beginning of my newest venture in business, I was fiercely reading self-growth books. I had been told that these books would be the path to my success, and during this time I read one such book called The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer. In this book, Singer explains the gravity of inner dialogue. Essentially, he likens our inner dialogue to a roommate. If we had a roommate that spoke to us similar to our inner dialogue, would we keep that roommate around or would we evict them?
Shortly after this time I began to look at myself through a “reality” lens. I began to treat myself as I would others. I would ask myself, “If a friend/family/stranger did this, what would I say to them? What would I think? What would I feel?” This logic especially applied to judgements I held against myself that were many years old. It’s easy to fall into this trap of analyzing every bad thing we have ever done in our lives, but what purpose does this actually give us? Are we bad a person because at age 15 we yelled back at our parents? Or were we simply a 15-year-old?
Especially if I am 35 today. Aam I an evil person, or was I just 15?
The value of giving ourselves contextual grace is in the weight of self-belief and self-confidence. When I walked around condemning myself permanently for things I did when I was younger and less aware, I didn’t have any confidence. I didn’t engage in conversation with strangers. I didn’t apply to the next level position. I didn’t take risks in business. I didn’t pursue my wildest passions. I didn’t even have passions; my mind was too bogged down in guilt to dream and be creative.
I held myself back and I felt imposter syndrome big time. I felt like I didn’t have the right to put my all into my dreams, whether they be in business or in a career. And I had this background canvas of guilt and shame; I couldn’t pinpoint what specific incident was giving rise to those feelings.
I made the decision to stop feeling guilt and shame for my past. I did things like any of us humans do, and I did them not to intentionally cause pain or misfortune to others. I did them because I did not know any better and I was learning.
I was simply a 15-, 21-, 25-, etc. year old who only worked with the amount of life experience I had at the time.
Most people on the planet today don’t have the desire to hurt, but the desire to do good. Their beliefs, morals, actions, attitudes, vocabulary, career choice, everything revolves around and is rooted in what they truly think will better the lives of other people. Very, very few people actually set out to cause intentional harm to others.
That’s why it is important we apply the same rational when analyzing ourselves.
The future, ingenuity, creativity, passion, life satisfaction we experience is in direct correlation to the amount of grace we extend ourselves.
For years I lived each day blind to the effect my thoughts and inner dialogue were having on me. In 2019, during the beginning of my newest venture in business, I was fiercely reading self-growth books. I had been told that these books would be the path to my success, and during this time I read one such book called The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer. In this book, Singer explains the gravity of inner dialogue. Essentially, he likens our inner dialogue to a roommate. If we had a roommate that spoke to us similar to our inner dialogue, would we keep that roommate around or would we evict them?
Shortly after this time I began to look at myself through a “reality” lens. I began to treat myself as I would others. I would ask myself, “If a friend/family/stranger did this, what would I say to them? What would I think? What would I feel?” This logic especially applied to judgements I held against myself that were many years old. It’s easy to fall into this trap of analyzing every bad thing we have ever done in our lives, but what purpose does this actually give us? Are we bad a person because at age 15 we yelled back at our parents? Or were we simply a 15-year-old?
Especially if I am 35 today. Aam I an evil person, or was I just 15?
The value of giving ourselves contextual grace is in the weight of self-belief and self-confidence. When I walked around condemning myself permanently for things I did when I was younger and less aware, I didn’t have any confidence. I didn’t engage in conversation with strangers. I didn’t apply to the next level position. I didn’t take risks in business. I didn’t pursue my wildest passions. I didn’t even have passions; my mind was too bogged down in guilt to dream and be creative.
I held myself back and I felt imposter syndrome big time. I felt like I didn’t have the right to put my all into my dreams, whether they be in business or in a career. And I had this background canvas of guilt and shame; I couldn’t pinpoint what specific incident was giving rise to those feelings.
I made the decision to stop feeling guilt and shame for my past. I did things like any of us humans do, and I did them not to intentionally cause pain or misfortune to others. I did them because I did not know any better and I was learning.
I was simply a 15-, 21-, 25-, etc. year old who only worked with the amount of life experience I had at the time.
Most people on the planet today don’t have the desire to hurt, but the desire to do good. Their beliefs, morals, actions, attitudes, vocabulary, career choice, everything revolves around and is rooted in what they truly think will better the lives of other people. Very, very few people actually set out to cause intentional harm to others.
That’s why it is important we apply the same rational when analyzing ourselves.
The future, ingenuity, creativity, passion, life satisfaction we experience is in direct correlation to the amount of grace we extend ourselves.
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